I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It's just like the Real World with babies
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
