I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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