Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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