I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
