So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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