When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
