Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
