When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
