You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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