I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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