My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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