Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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