you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
