I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
