I have demons in me.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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