Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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