I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
