I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
