Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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