3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
