Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
