Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
