I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
