Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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