when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
