That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
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I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
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So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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