Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
