Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
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