her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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