she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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