your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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