Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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