Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
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i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
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A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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