I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
