soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize