also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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