Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
birth control should be required to get into college
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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