My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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