and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
