New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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