dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
