Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize