I puked a lego.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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