dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
sarcasm needs its own font
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
