A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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