And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My brain says no but my pants say off.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
