What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize