Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize