Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
