the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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