Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
