You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
