let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
