I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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