How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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