just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
