actually, I'm a sock model
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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