sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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