who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
