I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
