Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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