walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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