it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize