I didn't shave. On purpose
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
