We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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