Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
